Yesterday two different crimes that could fall into the “zombie outbreak stories” section of history occurred. One in what will be known as the outbreak capital of the world, Miami Florida, the other a short jump away in Louisiana.
The first crime was a 21 year old arrested for disorderly conduct. Upon being placed in custody he claimed that he was going to eat the police officer and began bashing his head off the Plexiglas in the cruiser. If that wasn’t enough to freak out any sane person, and possibly require a change of underwear, the youth also started gnashing his teeth like some kind of rabid chinchilla. During his trial it was both revealed that he was on all kinds of drugs at the time and that he now has “no memory” of any of the events that happened.
Probability it was a zombie: Low. Zombies don’t get better and fail drug tests the next day.
The other story takes place in Louisiana, where a man was found eating another man’s face. This time the attacker seems to be fully clothed. A friend of the victim claims that the attacker—Car, who names their child Car— was on “bath salts” at the time, although I don’t know what kind of friend you are when you don’t stop someone from eating your buddies face. The victim is reported to be recovering, but there is no mention on what happened to the attacker.
Probability it was a zombie: Bath Salts seem to be linked an awful lot to face eating. There are also several issues with this story that don’t really fit together, so higher than I think anyone would like.