“So I just need to think up 800 plus words to preview a game that I have never played, and hasn’t even started production yet.” I type these words in a message to my editor/web designer. Instead of sending back the enjoyment filled response that I was hoping for, he changes the topic to php or some other nonsense and tries to mention how it will bring around the end times. We banter for a bit, mainly with me saying something random about spider-man, and then we continue on. These 100 or so words count towards the review. Just remember that while you are reading this on your future phone, with funk-vision, on the way to Taco Bell for Chalupas.



Based on the past two Disgaea games, this will not only be super duperly better then those, but it will also be better then any other game that has ever been thought of, ever. The original Disgaea became known as being the best strategy game, but few know that it also won best driving, action, sports, and shooting game from several websites. And that was just here on Earth - several other planets began to worship it when it showed them all how silly their lives had been before the game came out. And thats just the first game - the second game was three times better in every way, and broke every record known to man, including, but not limited to, the long jump, the 100 meter dash, and the perfect game of Pac-Man.

So, for those of you who are still reading, and haven’t left due to the copious amounts of random images, things that make no sense, and several kinds of humor, let me continue.



While details about the game amount to less then nothing, and this is probably the first full article detailing things that will [possibly] be in the game, and making promises that in no way can be backed up, I am more then happy to say that Laharl, Flonne, Adell, Roselin, and everyone’s favorite, Etna, are all going to be major characters in the game that you will not only have to beat, but completely destroy, with the utter power of awesome. Since this game is now on a next generation console, the level cap is no longer in place. You will now be able to increase the characters abilities, levels, and amazing good looks well passed the point of sanity. No longer will item dungeons be held to the 100-floor limit. No, you will be able to increase an item's level well past the 1000 mark. This game will also feature downloadable content that will allow you to gain new secret bosses, as well as new story arcs. All of the post-game content will, of course, be free to download, but the extra story will cost some amount of money. Probably nothing more then two dollars for an additional five hours of play, and new weapons.

Also, it will allow you to punch Chuck Norris, in the face, once.

Seeing that I am a little more then halfway through my 800 word goal and I am kind of hitting a wall on what the hell else I can make up, I thought that I would take a break and think about elves doing a little dance to help a young boy, who watched his mother yell at an elevator control box in a vain effort to give it directions, akin to the experience of playing Totally Spies for the Game Boy, for over three hours, to raise his spirits and try to make his life have meaning again. That didn’t really help, but it sure as hell ate up 100 or so words.



Nippon Ichi has a long history of making quality games. While they do manage to make dozens of other games that fall well outside of what could be considered “Disgaea Cannon”, most of these are loosely tied into the game, as a kind of side story, and are more about exploring the different kinds of gaming ideas first expressed in Disgaea. Those included the ideas of transmigration, increasing the level of weapons, rich humor filled story, and pure unadulterated awesome. The time between Disgaea 1 and Disgaea 2 was used to make several games that explored all the core ideas of the original game. With the lessons learned from designing, and the all important fan feedback, Nippon Ichi was able to come back and apply all those lessons to the new Disgaea 2. The result was a more full and rich game then the first, making it destroy all ill-will in the galaxy on release (the ill-will you see now is from other galaxies that are, sadly, immune to my attempts to punch them). So, by this logic, Disgaea 3 should be more then able to cure cancer, and by the mere act of playing it I will be able to seep through floors all Kitty Pride style.

Have I mentioned that the game will no longer have any pixelized art? Instead, every action will be hand drawn in the most impressive display of cell shading that you will ever see in your life, changing the way all art in the world is done forever.

Just keep in mind that the game is still over two years from coming out. This article is based on nothing more then the game being announced and the wild speculation of a madman. The only thing that has been written about the game, to this point, is a one sentence blurb in the newest EGM that isn’t even out on news stands. If you go three years into the future, you will see, of course, that I am totally right about everything.