Best and Worst of Last Week’s TV: 8/11/14 – 8/17/14

No shit. It's back,

Good
Wilfred: Season 4, Episode 9&10

Who doesn't want to hang out with a surly dog?

Where: FXX
When: Over, forever
Why:
Wilfred is the story of what happens when Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) decides that his life is just, just awful and that he should kill himself.  Sadly he borks the entire thing up and instead of dying just starts to see his neighbor’s dog as a man in a dog suit (Jason Gann).  From that point forward the series is a constant back and forth with Ryan’s (Frodo Baggins) belief in Wilfred, the dog, is really only an animal or something more.  It is also one of the few examples of an episodic show that truly needs to be watched in order to have even the remotest idea of what is going on at any given time. Did I mention that it was possibly one of the funniest show on TV?  It is.

I love this show, and half of these two episodes would have made one amazingly wonderful ending to a fantastic show, the other half is kind of this middling attempt at explanation of some of the greater mysteries that found their way in with the most mundane and boring ways possible.  The problem with the ending boils down to the show runners trying to leave things open to interoperation on just what Wilfred is or is not, but that premise doesn’t ever work when you lead someone by the noise to one of the destinations, point at it, tell them what it is, and say the choice is yours.   It might feel like a stupid complaint, but yes, after four years I do kind of want what Wilfred is spelled out for me with as little mystery involved as possible.

Bad
Falling Skies: Season 4, Episode 8

Yeah, the show kind of sucks now

Where: TNT
When: Sundays at 10:00 PM
Why:
Falling Skies had one really good season when it first started.  It has now proceeded for three more seasons, each season attempting to distance itself ever further from those that came before it—it has now gotten to the point where it impressive that characters still have the same name, let alone remember interaction that took place more than 10 minutes before. It is like every character in the show is the guy from Memento, but with aliens and the guy from ER.  Seemingly at the end of every season the resistance (humans) find a way to beat back the invading aliens in such a manner that they are sure to win with one final, well placed pushed—hopefully taking place during the next series.  Then the next season starts and three throw away sentences are used to explain why that thing they had only ever worked that one time.  This is just like SeaQuest all over again, down to the fact that Stephen Spielberg was involved until halfway through he managed to make it through a script and put an end to that.

This episode was about… something.  I think the entire point was that you would normally file this under character building, but for a show that is normally so based on the action with the more plotting scenes being done when they aren’t fighting for their lives—although sometimes during—it seems out of place the more slow paced episodes they have; this season has been full of those.  It is weird because the episode before this almost felt like a return to form as a handful of main characters died in a deceive battle, and now everyone has promptly forgotten that they were cast on the show at all. If you wanted to watch of people pretending to be dirty in a torn down city that is totally a set this is the episode for you.  I would try to recount what happened, but I remember about three things and every single one of them seems to be more boring than the last one.

Good
Adventure Time: Season 6, Episode 16

Yeah, do your thing Joshua!

Where: Cartoon Network
When: Thursday at 7:00 PM
Why:

For the last, seemingly, couple of months the series has been pretty Jake and Finn light.  Normally that is fine, but that is also normally when they only do one episode at a time without the main characters.  I won’t even go so far as to call this an entire season’s worth of that kind of episode, as we eclipsed that some time ago. Sadly it feels like it has been roughly half the season since I have seen something only centered around the boys and their much better adventures.  I understand that the show itself has grown well beyond the scope of how it originally started, but in the same breath that also doesn’t mean that I am going to enjoy Treetrunks regardless of how many times they try and make seem super interesting.

That all being said, Joshua is the man.  If they decided that entire arches of the show were just going to be devoted to him being awesome and basically a Don Draper Dog that fights demons I would be more alright with that than another episode like the week’s before “Princess Day”.  Every time people even casually reference Finn and Jake’s parents most of the “baddies” in the area just slowly walk away like they just remember they left the stove on in an enclosed area near a child.  It isn’t even the normal “more interesting stuff probably happened in the past” level like Billy, most of the time you get full on Joshua flashback of him casually returning demons to hell while he records a memento for his kids.  This episode is pretty much no different, but instead focuses on the odd series of events that led up to Jake’s birth.

Bad
The Last Ship: Season 1, Episode 8

This show... Is awful

Where: TNT
When: Sunday at 9:00 PM
Why:
The last ship is a show about a Navy vessel sent out days before the true start of the worst plague ever.  Personally I would have liked it if the show had stopped there and just forced the crew to rebuild humanity with the limited means and resources left on the boat—bonus points awarded for them knowing almost nothing about the virus and figuring it out as crew members die, adding tension to the show.  Instead they have a doctor hitching a ride from the word go attempting to create either a cure or vaccine and ruining the pace of an otherwise wonderful, and potentially riveting, end of the world experience.  Did I mention that there are also Russians, and for some reason it appears that the only training videos they ever saw were Rocky IV and the original Red Dawn edited with the Americans dialog either cut out or replaced with a snarling animal.

This episode takes every ounce of tension that has built up since episode one, with Russia V. America, and finally makes everything come to literal blows.  The problem is that instead of feeling like some kind of well thought out Tom Clancy thriller it feels more like middle a schooler’s reenactment, although they only managed to stay awake during the exciting parts of a cable edited version of the movie.  Also all main characters seem to be immune to death and bullets.  The moment that a new member works their way into a speaking part it is a safe, if not assured, bet that they will die in a couple of episodes; if not that one they first acquired a name.  The worst part is that they try to make me, in particular, feel bad about this random person’s death.  Truth be told about a quarter of the way through most episodes I start check my mail on my phone and only look up every couple of minutes.  I guess if it was intended to be the show you watch while you catch up on Facebook or play a handheld game it succeeds fabulously.

Best/Worst
Storage Wars: Season 5, Episode 20

You can actively see everyone confused and annoyed.

Where: A&E
When: Tuesday at 9:00 PM
Why:
Storage Wars is one of the few reality shows on Television that I have yet to decide how fake it is.  Don’t get me wrong, I know that some things that happen in it are faked, trumped up, or randomly staged so that something will happen during the episode—the problem is that I can’t really decide how much of it is a setup is up.  All of that said they do a pretty good job of hiding the production crew during the filming and kind of make you feel like a voyeur.  I have seen almost every episode, and since I have little to do to make my life interesting, I have watched to see if I could find a boom mic or random person with an ear piece in the audience or randomly stepping into show upon, oddly you almost never see it.  The one exception to this is when Barry showed up late, walked through the production crew to craft services where several were actively eating, and then grabbed an intern to help him bid his.  This was also the exact moment that Barry became, and will forever stay, the best member of the show.

This one episode managed to not only shows almost every single member of the crew, but also make me repeatedly question my stance on the realness of the show.

Dave (Hester) has been off of the show for about two years, or seemingly 500 episodes if you follow how often A&E seems to put new ones out there, after he basically decided that it would be a good idea to start spouting out accusations directed at the show that paid him, and then promptly sue the show for “wrongful” termination.  Needless to say he was taken off the cast list faster than a cheetah on Adderall trying to get out of a bad relationship.  That made him suddenly appearing back on the show less shocking and closer to appalling.  This is the man that went out to the media and said everyone he worked with was not only a liar and a cheat, but that the women on the show had fake breasts, breasts bought by the producers to get better ratings.   Even if the show dropped the charges and I was actively getting beers with the husband of the woman I said fake boobie things about, I don’t know if I could show up to work with them with that dumb smile on my face.  This is also only the drama from previous shows, he later started a screaming match with the auctioneer—something that is akin to telling a referee of a boxing match that his mother gives better blowjobs than his wife, but his sister is the real pro.  Even if he lets the match continue the other guy is getting away with stabbing you.

Not only was the screaming match awkward and possibly the least scripted thing ever produced on the show, but you could tell that it had been going on longer and longer as more and more people with ear pieces started making their way actively into the shot.  At one point the camera starts to shake and the boom falls into view and you can just tell that they are asking if they should really be shooting this or just calling the cops before actual violence breaks out.  It was wonderful and terrible and I kind of think everyone I know should totally watch this.

Best and Worst of Last Week’s TV: 9/15/13 – 9/21/13

Note: None of this looks rape-yI am not going to lie to the dozen of you that bother noticing it when I do post this article, Grand Theft Auto V came out last week and I ended up being rather distracted.  If it wasn’t for the fact that I had already kind of started this, got a large chunk of it done, and was thinking of posting it ahead of time it might have been later than it already is.  Hopefully I have learned my lesson and will stop entertaining people and playing games where killers get to run around and save people from muggers.  I guess I will just go on watching that instead of interacting with it.

Good
Aqua Teen Show Show

Guess who's back! Back again!

Where: Adult Swim
When: Monday (Sunday kind of) at 12:30
Why:
Did you know that they are still making episodes of Aqua Teen?  Don’t worry, because the way that Cartoon Network operates I am pretty sure that everyone involved with the project was blindsided by getting a call to come in and start recording again as well.  I remember when this this first aired and it was a big deal that the voice actor who played Master Shake (Dana Synder) jumped on Xbox Live for a couple of promotions and just did the voice while he actively lost.  Keep in mind that is also when the system launched. The year 2005. There are children who were born when that happened and are now old enough to be on Live annoying you with racist slurs and completely unaware, and will probably continue to be, of any culture touchstones of our lives.

So, somehow after 10 seasons, the team finally hits the point in their life when they need to find a job to continue having electricity and cable. Granted, I believe it was mentioned at several points that they are pretty much living off the system—as sentient food items are known to do—and something around 10 years sounds about correct for the government stepping in and starting to question if they really want to advance themselves in anyway or not.  The turn that both the writers and, I believe, the audience has taken on Master Shake being a totally hate-able character as it appears that in more and more episodes it is either expected or implied that the end result of things is that he is just going to die from his actions is rather enjoyable, as I have kind of hated him all along.

Bad
It’s Always Sunny in Philadephia

I do kind of want that drink

Where: FXX
When: Thursdays at 10:30PM
Why:
Not every episode of one of the best shows on TV can be great.  The Dave and Buster’s episode clearly had product placement in a building that was both clearly not Dave and Buster’s and some where that I am pretty someone might have been murdered the week before.  The episodes when Dennis (Glenn Howerton) was married was preachy and annoying, as well as very clearly also being sponsored by Subway (screw them they gave me the worst case of food poisoning in my life), and this isn’t even mentioning a ton of the first season when Charlie (Charlie Day) didn’t have several learning disabilities mixed with music writing super powers, and “the gang” hadn’t really formed into what they are today.  Also the show just got way better when Danny Devito (who plays Frank) joined the crew as a crazy millionare/bum/pistol wielding gremlin.

The root of the issue with this episode is that it feels like they have kind of done this script before, and after 9 seasons I can get going back on some of the same ground, but this ground was the boring episode when they tried to get Paddy’s Pub recognized as a historical land mark.  This time they try to win an award for being the best bar in town.  I am not saying that I don’t think that a dive bar shouldn’t be allowed to win awards, in its own category of low lights and hiding your depression in an ever increasing sea of watered down drinking, but I do think that you probably aren’t going to get anything when the staff either is kidnapping a guy—normally the wrong one—or randomly stabbing/shooting/setting ablaze someone in their establishment.  Call me old fashioned but I am pretty sure that most people want a sense of safety when they are disrespecting their body with fire water.

Good
Adventure Time

Sneak Sneak Sneak

Where: Cartoon Network
When: Monday’s at 7:00 PM
Why:
Adventure Time likes to drop hints about things way before it talks about them.  Lady (Niki Yang) speaks entirely in Japanese, but if you translate it—or understand it—there are all kinds of crazy and interesting things that she will randomly spout out.  I would love to think that this is just the wondrous mind of Pendleton Ward who has planned this from the start, but since I have gone back and started watching from the beginning again I kind of know that isn’t the case; at the very least it mostly isn’t the case.  When the show does manage to drop a knowledge bomb, or at the very least a reference to a previous episode and its importance, it does make the keen eyed observer feel all the smarter for seeing it before it happened.  It must be a wonderful time to be a kid.  All I had when I was younger to look forward to is Gargoyles, and looking back that show is kind of hot garbage at this point.

This week we are treated to the world of the past, when humans roamed the landscape uneaten by Rainicorns and for some reason Princess Bubblegum (Hynden Walch) was still exactly the same age even though it was like hundreds of years ago.  I don’t really know if this story was meant to give the viewers more of a taste of what the world was like when it was still being established or if they really just wanted to write something about Finn (Jeremy Shada) and his past lives, either way it was ended up being effective story telling the same way that grandparents war stories wind up being way better when you realize how many people they killed and that they are also true.

Bad
Bones

Why... Did that work?

Where: Fox
When: Mondays at 8:00 PM
Why:
There is a certain point in my life when I have to admit that I am not even sure why I watch some shows anymore.  I know that I have seen pretty much every episode of Bones, some twice, and some in my sleep, because my wife thinks that David Boreanaz (Booth) is pretty much the definition of dreamy—she is wrong as that would be Emily Deschanel (Bones) and her ever increasingly amazing rack upper torso boob area breasts. Boobs.  I am sure that if I could stop looking at her long enough to follow or care about the ever increasingly boring and nonsensical plots, then lose 20 IQ points, I might enjoy the show.  I am pretty sure that when this series started it was about catching killers through nifty uses of science, and has since become what wacky way they can skate around doing hard work in favor of getting the job done quicker and possibly and probably entirely unscientifically.

Last season ended with Pelant (Andrew Leeds) telling Booth that if he married Bones five random people somewhere would die, a threat both so vague and easy to pull off it is akin to me saying that if more people don’t start reading this article I am going to eat a snack after work—shit is probably going to happen, I can blame it on what I want. In a series where named characters and interns at the lab most of the stories are shot at are as disposable as tissues in a teenage boy’s room it is hard to put any value on any human life in this show.  It turns out that Booth has been really struggling with the fact that he can’t marry the woman that he adores like a teenage boy adores locks on his door, and this entire episode is not only with his struggle to not marry Bones but her struggle with him rejecting her just completely amazing fun bags.  If it had been anything other than dragged out or boring it might have had something, but it was both of those things with the thin wrapping of a stupid and solvable under normal means murder trying to make it watchable.

Best:
Breaking Bad

While singing "so you had a bad day"

Where: AMC
When: Sundays at 9:00 PM
Why:
At this point bashing my head against the keyboard to make hundreds of random letters appear filled with spaces would be a better argument for why you shouldn’t be watching this show than anything that anyone could ever come up with.  It is just really, really, really good.  I have a job, that I go to on a somewhat frequent basis, and while we might talk about Game of Thrones or Walking Dead in passing with feigned interest. That is not the case with Breaking Bad; we stop what we are doing and start talking about it the moment every last one of us has watched it.  Yes, we are that large a collection of nerds that we refuse to even start the longed for conversation of the week until everyone around us can partake in the enjoyment.  I think the only sad part of this entire paragraph is right here where I happily admit that it is the highlight of my week.

Last episode ended with a massive shootout that Walt (Bryan Cranston) sort of not really instigated and managed to start at the wrap up of that event.  There are entire movies that would be based off that chunk that they casually skipped, probably because of standards and practices, as the selling point—Breaking Bad just treated it like a matter of course. The show likes to start off by doing flash forwards with the impression that things have gone south for Walt, even though always work out in such a way that his friends should seriously start wondering if he owns a genie.  This episode basically goes out of its way to explain, in great detail, how badly things went for him and how quickly they went that way.  It is weird thinking that just a couple of episodes ago things probably seemed like they were looking so far up for him.

Worst:
Paranormal Witness

It is exactly as dumb as it looks

Where: SYFY
When: Wednesdays at 10:00 PM
Why:
I poke a ton of fun at the people that run this show.  I honestly believe that if you spend enough time talking to someone they can tell you some kind of ghost story or spooky story from their life, like a run in with Honey Boo-Boo mother or seeing a car drive the wrong way down a one way street.  There are things out there that kind of break your brain when you see them, and while not all of them are true (I am sure we will one day explain the congealed mass that is Honey Boo Boo’s mother) there are some of them out there that we just probably won’t have enough information to explain for the foreseeable ever.  With all that said, I think that what most psychics do should be considered fraud and many of them should be beaten with sticks until they admit how giant douches they are in their personal life.

This is the story of a murder case that was “solved” by a psychic helping two police officers along, and if the show is to be believed one of them was studying to be chief Wiggum and the other one was clearly trying to decide if he wanted to be Enos or Cletus more.  All it took to prove that that woman was feeding them information that they, literally, already knew is simply asking them—although not with cameras or saying that you were from anywhere investigating the incident as that would make them double down on the lie, just causally asking the cops over a beer or as an interested part and they admitted that she totally had access to all the files.  Now this case was 30 years ago, and I understand that everyone is retired and has long since forgotten some of the finer details about things that happened the year I was born; nothing mentioned is really an excuse to try and defend the practice of using psychics for real work.  Also even the show admits that she didn’t solve the case, the guy basically turned himself in, although it does insist that she used her super pals to stab him with the power of her hate.  I wish I made that up.

Best and Worst of Last Week’s TV: 7/7/13 – 7/13/13

Free Runner Vs. Trial Bike. Thanks Top Gear

For some reason not that many shows decided to return last week.  I don’t know if we are in a weird summer period in which people are afraid to put things on TV because they think that the horrible shut ins that watch will care that it is nice outside?  Do people watch TV live anymore?  Someone had to remind me the other day that mine still got channels and did things besides hook up to my computer.

Good
Warehouse 13: Season 4, Episode 20

Don't judge them. They have... stun guns?

Where: SYFY
When: Mondays at 10:00 PM
Why:
I have spoken of this show before, and if I am honest this wasn’t the half season that I wanted.  If I am going to speak freely about the series I don’t even know what the hell anyone involved was thinking when about 90% of it happened.  I know for a fact that the timing basically implies that it only ever came back to push DVD sales; something that was released the day after the season concluded.  There was this interesting story arch that seemed developing this time ‘round, with a chunk of the cast of Buffy, but at several times devolved quickly into “I don’t know, magic” which while a viable excuse for the series still seems super lazy when the cast just shrugs and goes with it.

The last half of this season, or if we are being honest “mini-season”, involved the crew at the artifact hunting emporium getting caught up in the middle of a bunch of immortals and the petty feuds.  This, of course, all managed to tie back to the older versions of other Warehouses and deep secrets that no one disclosed for… I am going to say plot reasons alone.  For a show about mystical items being able to do whatever for any reason with minimal explanation they do seem to have an entire host of reasons that it is acceptable to use them some times but not others.  If memory severs me correctly at one point I believe that they even hunted artifacts with other artifacts. Pretty much the only reason they get away with it is because after four season they have managed to convince me this is a live action comic book, and I am ok with this leave of stupidity for some awesome reason.

Bad
Pawn Stars: Season 7, Episode 12

Beard = Expert

Where: History Channel
When: Thursdays at 9:00 PM
Why:
It is really hard to hate the concept of the show.  People bring in the most random things that they can find—possibly from a culvert or neighbors potter’s field— and try and get money from them, basically confirming my long held suspicion that all pawn shops are half junkyard and half of the worst department store ever. The good part of the show is when you get people talking about something that they know about, explaining why it is either worth money or not, and then watching the person get disappointed.  I throw that last part in there because the moment that anyone on the show finds out that what they have is worth a good amount of money they instantly become more entitled than a teenager that suddenly became a reality TV star.

Pawn Stars is wonderful background noise, at best.  It is the best kind of disposable media; when it is done well you walk away feeling like you learned about how much a four hundred year old shovel is worth when it has no historical value and how people used to dig holes before we invented child labor and the third world.  The problem becomes that the programmers think that they can have plot lines so the viewers start to know the people behind the counter through a series of zany events.  That would be great if they either really happened or the people there could act at any point beyond a level of a middle school drama class.  The recent episode was flush with examples of this, mainly of trying to get Chum-lee to be less lazy by sending him on several fools’ errands.   All this taught me was that I guess I can buy dry ice at a custard place, and that I hate old people when they think they are being funny.

Best:
Top Gear: Season 20, Episode 2

It does not end well for the limo

Where: BBC
When: Sunday at 20:00 GMT 
Why:
Top Gear is a show about people who have a deep and caring understanding for how cars work, lasting ideals on what empowers some to rise to the top over others, and the all-important notion of value.  All of those things are true in much the same way that the Today Show is a hard hitting news organization that covers topics that really matter and can polarize the world.  Sort of like a variety show based around automobiles and dry British humor. Several series ago they raced to the North Pole between a car and a dog sled, because no one had done it before and they thought it would be fun.  At one point they wanted to see if they could make a space shuttle out of a terrible car, simply to make space travel cheap and cost effective.  It should also be noted that most of these projects end up failing in much the same way that Chris Brown fails to understand women’s rights.

This episode, aside from the standard vehicle reviews, contained a competition to see what nation had the best taxi in the world.  Entries ranged from buses to limos to the standard New York City yellow cabs and somehow became less about the best time around the track and more and more about how close they could make the event into a destruction derby without having to change their insurance paperwork.  The show is basically what happens when you give teenage boys free reign to pretty much do whatever they want, they crash copious amounts of cars into it.  I have to say that after all of the years that the show has been on the air there really isn’t much out there that does this better, and it ends up being the highlight of my week pretty much every time it is on.

Worst:
Shipping Wars: Season 4, Episode 9

So... Where the women at?

Where: A&E
When: Tuesday at 9:00 PM
Why:
Some days I am pretty convinced that my wife hates me, and because she is married to me she knows that the formal ways of showing her disdain—such as poisoning or clown attack—are simply too good or ineffective.  I am pretty sure that is why we watch Shipping Wars now.  It is the story of how people took every single human beings least favorite task, moving something from one place on the planet and placing it at another, and made a living off of it.  Sure, they are more the stories about shipping oddities like statues of horses with working genitals than some guys house, it is still a show about people who decided that they wanted to make the least enjoyable task man has ever known their career.

Honestly I don’t know if this show is actively trying to get me to want to hire people to move my crap by making it look worse on a weekly basis, or if they are trying to make me understand that everyone that I would hire to do it is just such a failure at life that I should probably just suck it up and keep buying beer and pizza for my friends.  The “highlights” of this week involved a cake traveling up the east coast and cat caskets.  The only interesting thing about the cake delivery was the fact that the guy doing it basically seemed to go out of his way to do anything other than drive the thing he was being paid hundreds of dollars to drop off.  The cat casket thing was fun because it basically started and ended with everyone being as insane and creepy as you would expect when the words “cat casket” are used.

Best and Worst of Last Week’s TV: 3/24/13 – 3/30/13

Doctor Who is back! Also other shows happened!

Good
Regular Show: Season 4: Episode 20

Baby Ducks FOR THE WIN!!!

Where: Cartoon Network
When:  Mondays in the evening.
Why:
Regular Show is pretty much about every slacker that you know in their 20’s working a dead end job that will never have any options for advancement. Also they are all talking animals.  Also they work at a park that I think is some kind of magic because weird and crazy things keep happening there.  I don’t know if it is the stream of 80/90’s references backed by licensed music that makes this show special, or if it just the fact that the two main characters in it just seem to take random things happening as an everyday event.

This episode is about how big of jerks geese are, and while that is true I don’t know if most of them ever form into a giant Voltron like monster to prove the point of dominance. Regular Show is basically a conversation had with a friend to make each other laugh, then turned into a cartoon to share, because I don’t know how the writing meetings go if it isn’t.  This might be one of those things that has to be experienced to be understood, but that shouldn’t stop you from watching all four full seasons.

 

Bad
Family Guy: Season 11: Episode 16

Because you shouldn't expect any better

Where: Fox
When: Sunday at 9PM
Why:
You know when one of your friends is so far ahead of the curve on something that when they are finally proven to be right it is hard to admit to them?  It is like someone telling you to duck half a minute before you get hit in the head with an iron brick made of monkey poop.  You kind of want to be mad at them because it is entirely easier than admitting that you are a moron for not taking the advice or at the very least looking.  That is kind of how I feel about South Park because they pretty much described perfectly the writing process of Family Guy.

12 Angry men satire.  Mayor West.  Assorted racist cast stereotypes as jurors .  I just described THE ENTIRE EPISODE.

They are either randomly generating as many plot points as they can or the lead writer had a stroke and everyone just writes down whatever non sequitur flies out of his mouth.  Possibly someone has the most interesting case of Tourette’s and only screams out cultural references.  Thinking about the possible methods used to make an episode of Family Guy has proven to be stupidly more interesting than even watching it.  I am pretty sure that can only mean good things for the quality of the show.

 

Good
Modern Family: Season 4: Episode 18

Children make me feel that way too

Where: ABC
When: Wednesday at 9PM
Why:
Modern Family is the closest thing that I have seen to Arrested Development since that show went off the air forever ago.  In the past this would have been called a dysfunctional family, but it is kind of hard to say that because everyone in the family still talks to one another and isn’t accusing one of the other people of some kind of terrible crime that never took place.  Maybe that just speaks to the way that I think everyone’s extended family has at the very least three people that could be a star on either the Jersey Shore or Jerry Springer.

The majority of the episode is based more around Clare (Julie Bowen) and Cam (Eric Stonestreet) attempting to flip a house.  Probably a forgettable and kind of simple story arch, I kind of expected the show to pull a Simpsons and forget this ever really began; turns out no, they are better than that.  It is weird; this show taken as a single episode never feels like it is ever that impressive, almost like it is constantly skating around the edge of genesis.  Taken as a whole it is probably one of the best shows on right now if only because it remains dedicated to its characters and plot, even if some of it isn’t nearly as good as the odd conversational responses they slip in.

Bad
Storage Wars: Season 4: Episode 3-4

Where: A & E
When:  I am sure there is a marathon going on at this moment
Why:
I have been told that Storage Wars has started an epidemic of people going to these auctions, spending their life savings and thinking that they are going to be leaving with dozens of boxes full of both cash and gold.  I think that the producers of the show became scared by the prospect of lawsuits and decided to start showing more and more people that most of the money on these auctions are made by the cast stocking their second hand stores with sub-dollar store items.  That might sound fun, but it means that we get to sit through a lecture about how much a used and filthy garage door opener is worth.

Before I continue to talk about how boring it is to watch people get really excited to find power tools in the bottom of a plastic container that is mainly someone’s shattered dreams, I have to say that the added layer to all of this is when someone loses their shirt over the same garbage.  At one point one of the rarely seen guys bids several thousand dollars for a locker that only has old, possibly wet, cardboard boxes and soiled, possibly bedbug riddled, mattresses; later in the episode you see him lose his mind that he isn’t going to make his money back on any of it.  I guess that at that point it almost becomes worth it to watch someone talk about how even cheap plates turn a good profit if you can then watch someone who has no idea what they are doing spend too much money on literal trash and then pay his employees to tell him he is a moron.  It would have been cheaper and more efficient if he had just mail ordered a wood chipper and thrown collectable pewter figurines at it.

 

Best:
Bob’s Burgers: Season 3: Episode 18

Please notice the dentures

Where: Fox
When: Sundays at 8:30
Why:
A while ago Archer did an episode that took place in the Bob’s Burgers world, which wonderfully worked because it had H. Jon Benjamin (who voices both characters) basically doing one character doing the impression of another.  I have talked about the show on the site before, briefly skirting around directly bringing it up, but it was pretty much a weak week allowed this to easily jump to the front of the group.  I am pretty sure that me watching it the morning before writing this problem helped the quality of me judging it as well.

Linda (John Roberts) uses the restaurant being fumigated as an excuse for her to drag the entire family to see her parents that are residing in Florida.  Straight forward enough, but add in the fact that her parents live in a swinger community and she spends the entire episode freaking out and having visions of naked old people having weird and disturbing sex.  It isn’t that this episode does anything beyond the realms of what another episode might in the ways of set up or line delivery, it is just that it seems to sink deep into the pit of what Bob’s Burgers does well and allows it to wallow in all the flavor.

 

Worst:
Once Upon a Time: Season 2: Episode 18

Behold! PLOT!

Where: ABC
When: Sundays at 8PM
Why:
I kind of bring up Once in a roundabout conversation at the very least one time on the occasion that I decide to produce one of these, so it only makes sense that when I have gone out of my way to catch up with the series it was probably going to make the list of terrible things that I hate.  For all of the praise that I lap on any other show for continuing odd story lines, for good character development, or for anything else that even resembles something that is positive, this is the other side of that conversation.  I haven’t disliked a show more since I wrote about the entire first season of the Walking Dead while drunk.

Sure, the entire premise of this show as well as large plot points are entirely stolen from the amazing comic book series, “Fables” but that didn’t mean that it had to be terrible; the show made that choice on its own.  This episode mainly follows the holes in Pinocchio (Eion Bailey) as he fills in most of story shaped holes in his past with his adventures in turning into poorly CG animated wood which is about as dull as it sounds.  There are other plots that are scattered throughout the episode but by large they seem to be more about women pretending to be pretty princesses than something interesting.  The show feels less “fairy tales in the real world,” and more “this is what a five year old girls think adult life is like”.

 

Special Case!
Doctor Who

Look at her, she knows she is slammin'

Where: BBC
When: Saturday 18:15 (Some weird British time)
Why:
It isn’t fair for me to include Doctor Who in the normal weekly update.  It really isn’t.  I have been in love with this show since it came back on the air years and years ago.  I have entire friendships that I am pretty sure are entirely based off the fact that we both completely agree that Doctor Who is an utterly amazing show and that it should totally be on every week, always, and never end.  It is a zany Sci-Fi adventure, comedy, drama, sometimes romance that is done with British accents.  That is the kind of thing you want when people act out your life story.

The director, Steven Moffat is probably my least favorite writer that has taken on the show since it came back.  It isn’t that he is boring, but it seems like if there aren’t seven different kinds of fires that he wants people running around and putting out that he just doesn’t know what to do with his characters.  I am quickly coming to terms with the fact that I don’t really dislike Matt Smith (11th Doctor) as much as I once thought, and just dislike the way that he has been written.  Although I can’t really complain about the choices of companions as Clara (Jenna-Louise Coleman) is possibly the single most attractive member of the cast ever.  I guess we can all just hope she goes the Bill Piper route and has an entire show just based around her being naked.