Shark 3 Feet Larger than Jaws Found

Shark spray... something... something... laugh.

Jaws was a story about a 25 foot shark that ate people like I eat corn-nuts—fast, with much pleasure and very little remorse.  In the movie it took several hardened sailors, a cop, a not quite big enough boat, and an exploding barrel to take it out.  It seems that in the real world over fishing and increasing ocean pollution was probably enough.  On the coast of a Rhode Island town a 28 foot shark, 3 feet longer than jaws, washed up on shore.  While it probably isn’t advisable as this could easily turn into some kind of Sand-Shark incident, New London locals have quickly been going out to observe this beast—presumably while poking it with sticks and the like.

Most of my Jaws knowledge comes from either The Whitest Kids You Know parodies, or Kevin Smith talking about it non-stop and using it as a unit of measurement on his podcast, but from what little I know is I can easily conclude that this thing probably has children that are angry and entirely blame you for their parents’ death.  There were hundreds of people scared enough by that movie to not go into swimming pools, let alone open water, after that movie—my guess is that this should be enough to convince those people that they might want to start pooping outside and on the ground, away from any would be attackers.

Source: Washington Post

Spoony Bard Podcast: Episode 53: Secret Batman for Real this Time

Batman video games?!

Yes, for the last couple of years they have been good.  No, they were not good before that.  Stark and I take a look back in time and play through some of the worst examples of licensed anything that we can find.  Luckily most of them happen to be Batman games on the NES and SNES, so that fits in pretty well with the topic for this week.  We also get into an argument about who the best Joker was, and I can’t fully explain myself with words that make sense.  So, you know, another podcast.

[powerpress]

Spoony Bard Podcast: Episode 52: Fucking Steam Sale

This week Stark and I chat about the good old days when Doom was a thing that mattered.  We get a bunch of facts wrong and basically make fun of each other as much as possible, so a normal podcast.  Stark laments losing me to the steam sale, as he should, and I talk about all of the wonderful things that can be found simply by spending large amounts of money for even larger amounts of games.

[powerpress]

Strip Searches Legal for Walking Dog without Leash

The Supreme Court has decided that regardless of the level of offense that it is entirely sensible, reasonable, and legal to strip search a person as long as they are doing it for the greater “safety,” of the correctional facility.  The court was split with this decision, with a 5-4 vote, meaning that half almost half of the people voting on it pretty much thought that this was going entirely too far and probably shouldn’t be happening.  While this doesn’t mean that it can be overturned in the next couple of years there is a persistent for doing so (Jim Crow laws), although there is also a judgment on the books about strip searching inmates after any physical contact with an “outsider” for over 40 years.

The future of this law will be interesting as dozens of attractive women are arrested for massively minor offenses and inspected in jail.  While I agree that these types of searches are probably needed for violent offenders, or people with a clear suspicion of smuggling things in to prison, it is kind of insane that they would do this for, say, littering.  The person who brought this to the courts attention went to jail for a falsely reported unpaid fine.  Which means that parking tickets and land you in jail and naked for no reason.  I guess the solution is to get fat enough that no one wants to see what you look like naked, just to avoid awkward moments in jail.

Source: NY Times

NASA Selling Deadly Nano-bots

Nerds with dreams of becoming a James Bond villain one day rejoice; NASA is selling its Nano-bot swarm technology to the highest bidder.  Not only does the patent up for auction detail how to control the infectious-possible monsters, it also has a design on how they can destruct inside the victim that they are implanted in.  Imagine, if you would, a world where everyone is afraid of nay-saying your wise rule for fear of the microscopic explosions waiting to go off at any minute inside of their lungs/heart.  It is almost like NASA read what I wanted for Christmas and made it public for the world to fear.

There are other patents up for sale as well, but all of them seem to be more of a cover for the evil that I am about to spread across the world.  A smoke detector that can test itself to make sure it is working? The most efficient way to manage data?  Thanks NASA, not only did you give me a great way to make sure that I take over the world, you made the most boring ever business model to divert government officials when they come to investigate.  No Mr. Bond, I don’t expect you to investigate our data management/smoke detector plants.  I expect you to die!

Source: Wired