Shark 3 Feet Larger than Jaws Found

Shark spray... something... something... laugh.

Jaws was a story about a 25 foot shark that ate people like I eat corn-nuts—fast, with much pleasure and very little remorse.  In the movie it took several hardened sailors, a cop, a not quite big enough boat, and an exploding barrel to take it out.  It seems that in the real world over fishing and increasing ocean pollution was probably enough.  On the coast of a Rhode Island town a 28 foot shark, 3 feet longer than jaws, washed up on shore.  While it probably isn’t advisable as this could easily turn into some kind of Sand-Shark incident, New London locals have quickly been going out to observe this beast—presumably while poking it with sticks and the like.

Most of my Jaws knowledge comes from either The Whitest Kids You Know parodies, or Kevin Smith talking about it non-stop and using it as a unit of measurement on his podcast, but from what little I know is I can easily conclude that this thing probably has children that are angry and entirely blame you for their parents’ death.  There were hundreds of people scared enough by that movie to not go into swimming pools, let alone open water, after that movie—my guess is that this should be enough to convince those people that they might want to start pooping outside and on the ground, away from any would be attackers.

Source: Washington Post