Yesterday two different crimes that could fall into the “zombie outbreak stories” section of history occurred. One in what will be known as the outbreak capital of the world, Miami Florida, the other a short jump away in Louisiana.
The first crime was a 21 year old arrested for disorderly conduct. Upon being placed in custody he claimed that he was going to eat the police officer and began bashing his head off the Plexiglas in the cruiser. If that wasn’t enough to freak out any sane person, and possibly require a change of underwear, the youth also started gnashing his teeth like some kind of rabid chinchilla. During his trial it was both revealed that he was on all kinds of drugs at the time and that he now has “no memory” of any of the events that happened.
Probability it was a zombie: Low. Zombies don’t get better and fail drug tests the next day.
The other story takes place in Louisiana, where a man was found eating another man’s face. This time the attacker seems to be fully clothed. A friend of the victim claims that the attacker—Car, who names their child Car— was on “bath salts” at the time, although I don’t know what kind of friend you are when you don’t stop someone from eating your buddies face. The victim is reported to be recovering, but there is no mention on what happened to the attacker.
Probability it was a zombie: Bath Salts seem to be linked an awful lot to face eating. There are also several issues with this story that don’t really fit together, so higher than I think anyone would like.
I have reported twice on odd happenings that seem to be the start of a zombie outbreak, most of those happening seems to have been taking place in Florida. Late last week, though, it seems that some of the madness has been moving up the coast, and has gotten as far as northern New Jersey. While some people might argue about the validity of calling this all zombies, it should be pointed out that this is super creepy that it is happening so quickly, and so closely together.
A man was captured after he reportedly ate another human’s heart and part of his brain in Baltimore. The worst part is that this came just days after he assaulted another man and attempted to beat him to death, only to be released on bail to find and attack another, this time by almost dissecting him and hiding different parts in his house while eating others. I think this might be the first time in recorded history that someone was almost beaten to death and ended up feeling lucky about it.
Source: Fox News
Too bad that wasn’t the worst thing that happened:
Police responded to a call about a man with a knife who was threatening to harm himself. Too bad that no one described how, or in what way this guy was planning on doing so. When the police arrived they found the man in a corner stabbing himself in his abdomen. When they tried to talk to/help him he responded by throwing pieces of his own flesh and intestines at them. Clearly sensing that they were out matched they retreated, and it took the swat team to subdue him. The worst part is that the man lived through all of this.
Source: Huffington Post
Most importantly I want to give a shout out/link to the Daily Beast that is promising to update a Google map of all of the insanity as it unfolds. It might not sound like much at first, but when you think about it, you want to know how close to you this thing is getting. There are many naysayers of all of this, and while it might not be zombies (even though it probably is) something weird is happening.
Map Link: Daily Beast