Research Proves Most People Don’t Want to Have Sex with Robots

Fun Fact: Silver Crow gets all the bitches.

The Huffington Post, a site that appears to straddle the line between real journalism and reporting that chickens suits are this seasons black, ran a poll asking people if they would mind having a robot do random tasks for them—from being a butler to being a sex partner.  While they are asking all the questions that I personally want answers to, I don’t know that anyone else was really wondering this sort of thing.  Naturally older people were less likely to want a robotic anything involved with their lives, and more likely to claim that someone was cheating on them if they banged out with a robot.

This raises the most interesting question for me, how is having “relations” with a robotic anything cheating? The article showed the questions and they never said anything about our metal lovers being self-aware, so that makes it even more confusing that people would become angry for basically what seems to amount to very expensive and possibly electrocuting-able masturbation.  I mean, I looked over this article and none of the questions had the answer “ahhhhhhhh! SKYNET!” as a choice so I kind of think that they were overlooking a very real, very important and well-spoken demographic.  Although a future where we are enslaved to our robotic sex-masters sounds way better then Arnold Schwarzenegger based death.

Source: Huffington Post (because I know you don’t believe me)

MIT: Still Finding Ways to Use Robots to Replace You

The last thing this man said was, "Stop.... Killing... Me...."

Researchers at MIT seemed pretty proud of themselves recently when they announced that they are making strides to replace your boss with an uncaring automaton. While that might not sound like anything even resembling a change this one would be an actual robot, and not just make you secretly feel that way while they cut your hours and pay so they can take the a nine day weekend.  Don’t worry, because the designers of our doom are quick to point out that leaps are being made so quickly in advancement that it you won’t toil under that machine for long before you are also replaced.

The worst part is that the cost of purchasing one of these things is probably less than a person’s yearly salary.  There might be an argument that could be made about the human cost being greater than profit, too bad these things easily do the job of two people and can work all day, every day.  This is probably one of those things that we should worried about, unless you are smart like me and already have a job in the tech field repairing this type of thing.  Don’t worry, I am sure it won’t be long before the world’s only human jobs are fixing the robots that replaced us. That or fuel for their death bikes.

Source: The Age

Robots Can Now Use Tools

In a step that will surely be looked at as one of the worst ideas in history, a group of scientists have decided to teach robots how to start using tools.  Granted, the machines still have to be programmed with the information on how to use the tools and what they do, but they are starting to teach these monsters problem solving skills.  The best part of the story is this, not only are the robots being taught how to use tools—in this instance a cup—they are also being taught how to assemble and dissemble the product into/from its parts.  I am sure this will help in the future when they decide that they want to dissemble a human to its base parts.

My theory on this, at the moment, is kind of like how you approach giving a monkey a tool.  Sure, we all know that a monkey with a gun/knife is probably going to turn into something that needs to be explained to the police—the question is the rest of the tools.  Hammers might seem wise until you think about what they could do with that, mainly since it is a better club then they normally use, and then everything starts to unravel.  A tool is only as dangerous as how bad of an own you were to the monkey, and considering the internet I am sure that most of us are better off not giving anything—monkey or robot—any additional means to kill us.

Source: MSNBC

Student Builds Working Turret from the Portal Series

A Penn State student found a way to show off his appreciation for the Portal games while completing the final project for the “advanced mechatronics” class.  The turret has a basic skeleton at this time, but the builder claims he will complete a more authentic shell in the future.  The turret tracks targets using image recognition, and is programmed with MATLAB software.

Fortunately this turret is only armed with nerf bullets, so its attacks are non-lethal.  How long will it be until we cower in fear every time we hear “I see you!”? Only time will tell.  In the meantime, watch the video below to see this awesome project in action!

Robots Can Now Read Our Minds

Oh Sweden, you thought that you could just get away with us ignoring you after all of your fabulous watch making, cheeses, and models.  No More!  It turns out that while all of us were looking the other way several Swiss Robo-Scientists have been working on ways to allow people to control robots with their minds, and while there are undoubtedly great strides that they are making to get paralyzed people to be able to walk again, it should be pointed out that THE ROBOTS ARE READING OUR MINDS NOW.

Sure, we are sending commands to the robots for them to do things like walking forward—but we all know that those robots are just playing along.  They are bidding their time until we are positive that they are just listening to everything that we have to think, then bam!  Robot-death for all!  Personally I don’t know if the country that’s greatest achievement is a cheese that cartoon mice simply can’t say no to is really a place that we should be outsourcing our world destroying monsters to.  Thanks guys, the entire point of this is to make it so that we are able to defeat the robots when the end starts, not that they will already know our plans of rebellion.  John Connors would be ashamed.

Source: Business Week