Disclaimer: This article is by no means intended to make light of the tragedies in Japan. This was simply the spawn of an odd conversation I decided to use to raise awareness of what is going on over there. At Varms.net we are huge fans of Japanese entertainment, and we deeply sympathize with the horrible events that have befallen Japan. Please keep your eyes open for links to donate to the Red Cross to aid in the relief efforts and don’t forget about the REAL heroes that are in Japan working on rescue efforts and battling explosions, fire, and radiation to bring several nuclear reactors back under control.
In this super geeky, totally fictional scenario of anime characters attempting to stop four out of control nuclear reactors, one begins to realize that even the most powerful characters can do little, or even make things worse by using their powers to stop a nuclear crisis. Destructive abilities are worthless here, so it takes some pretty unique powers to stop this sort of thing. Here is a short list of my top candidates:
The Eva Series – Neon Genesis Evangelion
The Eva series combat machines are built to keep humanity safe from the threat of giant monsters called “angels”… and maybe even destroy the human race in the name of evolution…
However, it also seems that Eva unit 01 has already done a bit of moonlighting in stopping nuclear disasters. In one of the episodes, Eva 01 must stop the out of control “Jet Alone”, a giant, nuclear powered robot designed as a “safer” and more “cost effective” weapon to battle the angels.
The Eva units are an easy win against a nuclear crisis. Not only can the nearly invincible AT Fields protect the pilots inside from heat and radiation, but the incredible strength of the Eva units can pick up the reactors and toss them off into space. How do I know they can toss stuff into space? In one of the later episodes of the show Rei Ayanami uses her Eva to throw the skyscraper-size Lance of Longinus at an angel in orbit above Earth. The lance winds up in orbit around the moon. Problem solved… now if only there was some way to stop the madmen at Seele from doing that whole “human instrumentality” thing…
The Mol-Unit – Moldiver
The Mol-Unit is perhaps one of the most awesome gadgets in all of science fiction, perhaps only beaten by Dr. Who’s TARDIS. With the Mol-Unit, the user can take the form of their preference, and then bust up the laws of physics with extreme prejudice. For 666 seconds, its user can enjoy traveling at light speed, being invincible, possessing infinite strength, and even moving through matter.
Pretty much the only thing that could go wrong with the Mol-Unit is operator error- Mirai is not exactly the ideal pilot for such a magnificent device, and has encountered a variety of problems while meddling with her brother’s Mol-Unit.
Team Gurren – Gurren Lagann
Some of you out there that know about the wonderful exploits of Team Gurren may be wondering why I think they can stop a nuclear disaster… but it is also a well known fact that team Gurren can do ANYTHING… after all, just who the hell do you think they are?! Team Gurren started off as a ragtag band of rebels in the desert, and wound up traversing the entire universe to kick any ass as needed. I have absolutely no idea how they would approach a disaster like this, but after seeing them take down the “anti-spirals”, I am pretty sure they can handle a few critical nuclear reactors.
Eclair and Lumiere – Kiddy Grade
In the far flung future of Kiddy Grade, government agents are insanely-powerful people that are hundreds of years old yet appear to range ages 10-19. Don’t ask why, it’s just how they do things in the future. These “ES” members of the future government all have at least one special ability that makes them superhuman… sorta like the X-men, but they oppress humans instead of hiding from them.
Eclair and Lumiere are actually not as powerful as other ES members from the show… but they prove how crazy they are when they come back from something that would be a surefire way to kill anyone.
The pair is tossed into a starship reactor that directly converts matter into energy, and wind up being nothing more than a power boost to the giant spaceship they are trying to stop. And then… “TA-DA!” they are back! It turns out Lumiere’s true power is called “particle”. She can manipulate subatomic particles to her will for brief periods of time. A power like this could very well neutralize the nuclear reactions in the cores of the reactors… and possibly even turn the fuel inside into some other, more harmless element.
Dokuro-Chan – Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-Chan
Dokuro is an angel sent from the future to kill a scientist that grants immortality to mankind, while he is just a boy in high school. Unfortunately, she does not have the heart to kill her target in cold blood and leave, so instead she hangs out with him… and kills him at random by bashing his head to bits. But her real power is her silly sounding yet miraculous magic spell. Each time she busts open her target’s head like a watermelon, she yells out “Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi!” and his head goes back together again just like new! If you really think of it, the human brain itself is more complicated than any nuclear reactor. For Dokuro, all of Japan could be put back together with her ridiculous magic, nuclear reactors and all.
Unfortunately, here in the real world, no one can sit around and wait for problems to be solved by giant robots and magical chicks in miniskirts. There are real heroes in Japan working around the clock to help those struck by the disasters in Japan. Over here in the states there isn’t much we can do, but every little bit helps. All of us at Varms.net would like to urge our readers/listeners to check out www.redcross.org and donate to help those enduring the disasters in Japan. Also please note that those of you with PS3’s can donate to the Japanese relief efforts by buying the Aid Japan (also from the Red Cross) theme on PSN- there are several donation options ranging from large to small, and in return you get a super cute theme for your PS3 dashboard and the good feeling you get from helping a nation that has forged some of the greatest video games and consoles of all time.