Spoony Bard Presents: A Very Special Announcement!

Are you a fan of the Spoony Bard Podcast?

If you are, have we got a surprise for you!

YOU ARE INVITED TO STARK’S WEDDING!

That’s right folks- On April 15th, 2012, Stark is getting married to his waifu, Kasumi, at the White House!

And our fine nation’s president, Barack Obama will be hosting the ceremony!

What’s that?  It sounds too good to be true?  Well we thought you may say that, so we went ahead and typed out some words that the president probably has said:

“My fellow Americans, I am pleased to announce that I am hosting the wedding of one of the men behind what is this nation’s most important podcast.  The Spoony Bard podcast is an inspiration to all of mankind, and I’m pretty sure the Navy SEAL team that took down Osama Bin Laden listened to it all the time.  This podcast is a true example of everything this nation’s founding fathers believed in.  That is why all of America, and myself, are honored to be a part of the wedding between Stark and a two-dimensional woman from a Japanese-animated television show.  Oh yeah, and um… vote for me!  Seriously though, who else are you going to vote for?  Mitt Romney?  Rick Santorum?  Those guys are total fucking retards.  What’s that?  Pizza’s here?!  Awwww fuck yeah! Gotta go…”

You may be thinking to yourself, “well gee, this sounds like a swell time but I don’t know how to get there.”  Don’t worry- here’s the address!

The White House

America, Fuck Yeah, 20500

Still can’t figure it out?

That’s why Stark bought a GPS satellite with his insane amount of podcast profits that will beam the directions directly into your mind!!!

(WARNING:  May cause cerebral hemorrhaging)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!!!

Struggling Newt Gingrich Charges $50 For Photos

Hopeful Republican primary candidate Newt Gingrich is showing signs of wear during a campaign event in Delaware this week.  Gingrich kicked off the event in typical republican fashion, bashing the actions of president Obama and focusing on talks of his plans to deal with energy (HINT:  It involves drilling for more oil.)  The real fun of the event began at the end, when Gingrich charged attendees $50 for every photo taken with him.

This is the first time Newt has charged for photos, indicating his campaign is running out of money.  Newt claims to be having a hard time in the campaign due to “a billion dollars in Obama money”, and “bias of the elite media”.  Newt has made a promise to stay in the race until the Delaware primary vote on April 24th.

Source:  msnbc.com